I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
