guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she woke up with a sticky ear
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
