Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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