found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
