if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
