So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
