Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
