i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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