just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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