My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
