So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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