Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
