You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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