You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
