Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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