he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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