Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
