and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
