The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
