I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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