my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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