I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize