this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
that is very illegal...i love you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
