So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
