I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
