I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
