Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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