we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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