Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
