Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
