If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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