How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
