He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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