I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
