Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
