also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You took a bar mat shot.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
