You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
