i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
