The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
