My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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