Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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