Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize