I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
