my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize