hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
