There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
