While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
