I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
