She said her name was "party"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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