an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
