go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
