I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
