I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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