This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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