I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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