I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
