it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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