just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
