I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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