Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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