Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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