Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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