I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize
