Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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